Trans people are under attack worldwide, and in the United States, it feels like half the country is out to get us. They use false claims of violence, mental illness, and pedophilia as ammunition against a minuscule portion of the population who simply wish for nothing more than acceptance and a chance to be themselves. Trans youth are especially vulnerable: they are constantly losing access to life-saving medical care that they desperately need. It’s no wonder rates of suicide in among trans people are so high.
That being said, there are a lot of wonderful, accepting, supportive people out there fighting for the rights of trans people everywhere, standing up for those who cannot stand up for themselves. There are people who show genuine love, kindness, and basic human decency. It is all too easy to stare into the darkness and lose hope. Far too many succumb to it.
I am writing this to demonstrate to myself and the world that there is good out there, that good people do exist, and that we can experience more than just fear. I’d like to share just a few of the people who have changed my life for the better and shown me true love, kindness, and support:
There’s a wonderful, inspiring, kind man who knew me for several years before I transitioned. I came out to him privately, years before transitioning, and he responded immediately with acceptance and support, and has been incredibly supportive and encouraging throughout my transition. He has come to my defense and, in his own way, taken care of me during some of the hardest challenges of my life. I’d like to apologize to him for being such a burden at times, but I am incredibly thankful for his friendship and kindness. If you’re reading this, please know that you have taught me more than you know about the world, engineering, and myself (whether you know it or not). To you, my most heartfelt thanks.
There’s a strong, protective, caring man who leads with strength and grace. He has supported me through tough times, fought for me in tougher times. When I had taken more than I could handle, when I had nothing left to give, his comforting silence kept me safe as the tears fell. He sheltered me from the world in those most vulnerable of moments; reassuring, comforting, but never overbearing. I will never forget his kindness and support as long as I live.
When it felt like the world was out to get me and I was in over my head, another person stepped up. Their unrelenting anger and readiness to come to my defense were crucial when I experienced my first real, targeted discrimination. Their lovely partner brought a ray of sunshine and a much-needed comic relief from the harsh reality of the world. I love them both dearly.
I have a friend who is always happy to engage in a philosophical discussion about just about anything. He is supportive and kind and is not afraid to talk about difficult or sensitive subjects if he thinks I need to hear it. He has made great sacrifices to give me a moment of relaxation every so often. Most importantly, he is just a wonderful human and a caring friend. Also, he has an impressive ability to come up with a botanical analogy for any situation. Never change, my friend.
There’s an older trans man who has patiently and lovingly helped me navigate the medical system, the changes to my body, and my dysphoria. He has graciously welcomed me into his home, supported my dreams and my goals, and laughed at my jokes (even if they weren’t funny). He gave me one of the most meaningful compliments I’ve ever received, and I know he meant it with his whole heart. His art takes my breath away and calms my mind, even if just for a few minutes. You’re a beautiful, wonderful, sweet person, and I will look up to you forever.
There’s a sassy woman and her sweet, thoughtful wife. They have been supportive friends and share their burdens with me as I have shared mine with them. They are the perfect combination of sweet and sour. I hope to see them happily in love for years to come.
Last but not least, while some parts of my family have been difficult, my dad has really done his best. He has stepped up and been as supportive as possible. He’s a shoulder to cry on, a warm embrace, a TV-watching partner, and a wonderful conversationalist. His proud declaration to his clients that he is proud of his daughter means the world to me. I only wish there were not so many miles between us. I love you, Dad. Now and forever.
This is just a small selection of a large number of people who have made me smile, laugh, and relax in spite of the ever-present fear in the back of my mind. I couldn’t possibly list out everyone who has brightened my world, but there are dozens more. Remember that there is light all around us, even in a world full of darkness.
This post is dedicated to all those we have lost to the darkness. I’m so, so sorry that the world failed you. You will never be forgotten.
If you are reading this, please consider a donation to a charity such as The Trevor Project or Trans Lifeline, because trans rights are human rights. To the trans folks reading this: I see you, and you are precious.